Reticent Affections
by Kylie Rein
Summary: Lavi meets the girl from his childhood again after a lot of years. She came to the order as a new finder. She knows sorcery which helped her get in and be useful. The only thing different about meeting someone from your childhood is when ...
1. Chapter 1

_The only thing different about meeting someone from your childhood is when..._

_... you met before coming to the clan and the fact that both of you come from there._

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><p>Kylie: Another story unrelated to the other fanfics. I hope you like this one.<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

"Brother, there's a girl wanting to work for the order as a finder. She knows sorcery and could be a lot of help. Should we bring her with us back?" asked Lenalee.

"A sorceress? I guess she can be of help. You can bring her with you. Isn't she an exorcist though?"

"No. We checked and confirmed that magic is the cause for her abilities not innocence."

"I'll be waiting for your return then."

* * *

><p>A red headed teen heard the news that a sorceress will be joining the order. He immediately came down once he heard that Lenalee and Kanda had arrived.<p>

"Yuu-chan, how's the mission?"

"Don't call me that, baka usagi!" said Kanda as he unsheathed Mugen.

Lenalee managed to stop him in time before the blade reached the bookman apprentice.

Kanda walked away and left them there. Lenalee scolded Lavi and told him to stop getting on Kanda's nerves.

"Excuse me, Lenalee?" said a girl with dark brown hair that curled and frame her face that held dark emerald eyes unlike the bright green of the bookman apprentice who stared at her for what seemed like a long time.

"Lavi, it's rude to stare at her like that," said Lenalee.

"So that's your name now," said the girl as a smile formed on her face. "I'm Liseli Lestari, nice to meet you, Lavi."

"… Jo-"

"My name is Liseli. I'm sure, I've said that clearly."

"No. You said your name is Johari. I heard that clearly. You're Johari not Liseli," said Lavi while grinning like a child accomplishing something over someone.

"What? Would you like me to call you Clyde? Or was it …"

"Lavi. It's Lavi."

"I'm not calling you that unless you call me Liseli."

"But you're Johari, not Liseli."

"Deak…"

"Fine, I'll call you Liseli but not often."

"Lavi…" said Liseli while pouting.

"See you later," said Lavi as he ran off before Liseli could further complain.

"Liseli…?" said a confused Lenalee.

"Yeah, we knew each other," answered Liseli before Lenalee could finish her question.

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><p><em>There was a red headed boy who lost his family in a massacre that happened in their home town. He kept walking away from the tragedy that happened until he reached the next town. He hadn't eaten for days and collapsed in the middle of the road. He looked dead or dying so the people that passed by did not even bother to help. He tried getting back up again but his attempts were pointless. He is bleeding to death. He may not even live but he didn't care. He wanted to live and tried getting back up once more.<em>

_A little girl about his age got up and helped him. _

"_My name is Johari. What's yours?"_

"_Why should you care? I'm already dying."_

"_Cause you're alive, Lavi. You tried getting up and even reached this town. You have a will to live and deserve to live your name with it."_

"_How'd you…"_

"_This is yours, isn't it?" said the little girl as she handed him a book. The name of the owner was still visible despite the patches of blood, the name _Lavi_._

"_How'd you get this?"_

"_You probably dropped it while before getting here. I picked it up and looked for the owner which I assume to be you since you're the only one covered in blood," said the little girl as she carried him on her back suddenly and ran._

"_W-what are you doing?"_

"_I need to get you treatment, don't I?" said the little girl as if it was the most natural thing to do._

_They reached a small house after a few minutes of running._

"_Wilde! Open the door and help me!"_

_The door was suddenly opened by a man in his twenties. He let them inside after understanding the situation once he saw them. He took the little boy from the girl and placed him on the futon while the little girl hurriedly took out some things._

"_What's your name, boy?"_

"_It's Lavi."_

"_I'm Wilde. Wait here while Johari gets the bandages and medicine. I'll get a change of clothes," said the man as he got up and left the room to enter another. _

_Johari reached the room and started cleaning his wounds. After that, Wilde started treating them. _

_The little boy tried to keep his eyes open but exhaustion made him close them while he was being treated._

"_This would be the last time for you to do this, Johari. We can't always interfere. And besides that, we're returning to the clan in a few days. We can't take care of him."_

"_I think he came from the town where the massacre happened. He would know what happened. He can help us to record."_

"_You know that isn't really our job. We keep records."_

"_We still help."_

"_We'll just see."_

_The little boy hadn't woken up until the second day. The girl convinced her mentor to let them stay for a few more days so when the boy finally opened his eyes, he saw the girl by his side waiting for him._

"_Do you feel better, Lavi?"_

"_A bit."_

"_You came from that town where a massacre happened didn't you?" said Wilde._

"_He's still recovering. Don't ask him about that."_

"_It's fine. I did come from there. You seek the information from there, aren't you?"_

"_Yes."_

"_If I tell you, can you let me come with you? You're part of that clan aren't you?"_

"_How did you know about that?_

"_My grandmother met someone called Bookman. She knew a bit and told me some things about it."_

"_You do know that once you come, you can't leave."_

"_Yeah, I'm prepared for that. I don't want to die."_

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><p>( \  )  
>(^.^) Kylie: Thanks for reading. I hope you like it and please tell me your opinions about it. I'll continue it along with my other fanfics if a lot like it. Thanks again.<p>

Just some added information...

Liseli means unknown while Johari means jewel.

And a lot of thanks to Johari Conlin where I got the name.

I just thought the name is really unique so I decided to use it :)_  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

*To those that didn't notice, the paragraphs/sentences italicized are part of the past excluding the phrases/words that are part of the present time that is only italicized to depict emphasis.**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

The Chinese girl accompanied Liseli to her brother's office. She left Liseli once they got there... well, she was able to leave _after_ stopping her brother from his unusual habits when he sees her and when he is woken up with _that line_. He calmed down and went back to serious mode after twenty minutes. It didn't really take that long, _it was just almost half an hour wasted_.

"Hello there. You must be the new finder. I'm Komui Lee, the supervisor here. What's your name?"

"Liseli, Liseli Lestari, sir."

"Why do you want to join?"

"I want to help."

"Where did you learn sorcery? Who taught you?"

"I had a mentor who taught me when I was just a child."

"When did you start using it?"

"I started when I was around six."

"Are those really just your reasons?"

"Why aren't you there, Liseli?" asked Bookman who suddenly appeared.

Liseli smiled after being surprised by the old man's sudden appearance.

"I guessed you'd be here since the apprentice is here. I shouldn't be surprised at all."

"Answer my question."

"I have no obligation to since I am no longer part of the clan but I guess that answers your question."

"Why aren't you there?"

"Try being cooped up in a place for almost your life and be rarely let out, how would you feel? I guess you won't understand though since you can move around freely. I'm not there anymore since I'm incapable of succeeding him. I long for some things I shouldn't."

"But you still seek to do the work you did."

"Y-yes. I still do but my will for freedom..."

"I'll be needing a little help with my job. I'll let you off on that condition. You shouldn't be even allowed to do such a thing. Your mentor's too softhearted."

"Sir..."

"That's the deal, Miss Lestari. What do you choose?" said Komui.

It seems he and Bookman had a deal.

"I'm fine with that," answered Liseli without hesitation.

* * *

><p><em>"Lavi, before we come there, you need a different name. I am called Eliska there. Johari was my real name but at the clan, it's Eliska. You can't use your real name. You need a different one."<em>

"_I thought it was Ellette," said Wilde in a playful sarcastic tone as he interrupted the two children's conversation._

"_It's Eliska. Don't you dare call me that."_

"_What wrong with Ellette? It sounds nice," asked Lavi feeling confused._

_Wilde laughed which made Johari angrier._

"_I told you it's nice."_

"_No, it's not!"_

"_What does it mean?" asked Lavi who is more confused than ever._

_Wilde laughed as Johari repeatedly hit him for doing that._

"_What does it mean, Johari?"_

"_I-It means… li-little elf," said Johari as her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment while Wilde laughed even harder._

"_Just shut up, Dyke," said Johari with anger. _

_Lavi tried to hide his smile and laugh once he heard the meaning of Ellette._

"_Don't laugh too! You're both so mean," said a frustrated Johari while showing a very saddened face._

_Lavi felt guilty and apologized._

"_Thanks," said Johari. "At least you're much kinder than he is."_

"_Let's go then, Eliska and Clyde. We need to leave," said Dyke as he ignored Johari's statement._

"_Clyde?" said Lavi._

_"Clyde. That's what you'll be called. Don't bother wasting time thinking of any." _

_"Thanks, Wilde," said Johari._

"_Now you're grateful," said Wilde with a sigh of relief. "And here I thought you were being ungrateful by badmouthing me."_

"_I didn't say anything like that. You are much kinder than the others are anyways. I got really lucky."_

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><p><em>Once they got there, Dyke managed to get Lavi as Clyde inside the clan. Clyde would be helping him and Eliska in keeping records after he learns the basic things needed first though and luckily he was a fast learner. He learned easily what Eliska and Dyke taught him.<em>

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><p>"Liseli, why are you here?" asked Lavi with a playful tone like his usual.<p>

"I already answered that question."

"You didn't."

"I did when Bookman asked me."

"Eh, but you _didn't_ tell me," said Lavi as he emphasized on the word didn't.

"I _don't_ want to."

"Why?"

"I just _don't_ feel like telling you."

"Johari…" said Lavi while dragging her name to convince her.

"No."

"Please…"

"No."

"Okay, I won't ask if you _don't_ want to," said Lavi as he gave in.

Silence came as Liseli won over that argument. They didn't actually have a contest but for them, most conversations are. And in most cases, there is one particular person that often wins.

"Lavi."

"Yes?"

"What's it like working for Bookman?"

"I'm _not_ telling you," said Lavi in a playful tone to get back at her.

"Lavi, please tell me," said Liseli in a pleading tone while making a face so hurt.

"Fine... I'll tell you," said Lavi as he gave in to her request not even bothering to let it go on as awhile ago.

"Thank you."

"Why are you even asking?"

"Bookman asked me to help out since you're slacking off."

"I'm not slacking off."

"Really?" said Liseli with a voice so doubting that Lavi pretended to be hurt but admitted it in the end.

"Fine, I do at times but not often."

"You still do," said Liseli while laughing.

* * *

><p>It's Johari who often wins.<p>

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><p>( \  )  
>(^.^) Kylie: I hope you like this chapter. And please give a review if you have time. I'm not really sure if I should continue with this on so I hope some will tell me how I'm doing. Thanks to all that will and to all those that read this.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Years passed quickly, Lavi learned a lot for his age and has a mind that impressed and caught the attention of Bookman. The recorder of history was in need of an apprentice at his old age and the boy's abilities intrigue him. _

_The boy had skill after all despite not being part of the clan originally. The boy had all the skill needed for a bookman; he tested him without the boy's knowledge and passed. _

_There was only one problem left but he had already taken care of it. Now, all that is left is to have the boy agree and come with him._

"_You have quite a mind there, boy. Would you like to learn more? Would you like to acquire more knowledge?"_

"_I'd want to learn more but I'm not part of this clan originally so I only have a limit as to what Dyke and Eliska teaches me. I actually want to go out and observe the world but I can't."_

_"So you long to get out of this place?"_

"_Not really. I'm fine being here. I can be content and happy. And there's just no way for that to happen."_

"_What if there was? Would you take the chance?"_

"_How could that be possible?" said the boy curiously as he stared at the old man._

_There came brief silence before the old man finally told him.  
><em>

"By working as my apprentice."

_The boy stared at him with wide open eyes after hearing him._

"_Eh, but then that means I'd be gone from here for a long time and…"_

"_It's only natural. You can't record history by staying here. You have to be out in the world."_

"_I…"_

_" I'll give you a week to think about it."_

_"O-okay."_

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><p><em>The little red head boy avoided Eliska for the time being and went to his room to think. He already knew before coming here that he might never leave the place and now this chance springs up.<br>_

_If he goes with the old man, he can go out back into the real world and gain the knowledge he seeks but then that would mean he would rarely be here and it might be years before he returns. _

_He would be leaving Johari and he owes everything to her. She is a very important friend. He knows he shouldn't even refer or call her that but she is a dear friend. He didn't want to leave her._

_Yet he longs to go out._

_He enjoyed his time here and would be willing to stay for her. He'd endure anything to be with her yet the longing to leave this place is still there._

_The little boy walks around the room in thought. He is confused. What should he do? He didn't really want to leave her.  
><em>

_Lavi decided to ask Johari herself. If she says no, he'd stay and if yes, he'd leave._

_He walked into the room where he helps her out with their work. She was busy writing down the list of records they were given to keep. He decided to be useful by arranging the other records and tell her after work._

_It had taken about three hours until both of them were finished. It is always a different number of hours each day depending on the work given. Some may think that it's a lot for a child to do but it's nothing for the people in the clan and Dyke's work is actually heavier than theirs combined._

"_Eliska, can I speak with you?"_

"_Later, after we both eat dinner. I'm really hungry."_

"_Ok."_

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><p>The sun rose and now shines brightly. People had woken up after a night's sleep. Some are still asleep though after staying up late and one of those is a certain bookman apprentice.<p>

He heard the other people get up and went to breakfast but he didn't feel like getting up yet. There'd be work given to him if he did and he's avoiding that to get a chance of rest. Well, that is what he wishes for anyway but a certain old friend interrupted that.

Loud knocks came after soft ones when he didn't get up. The person doing the knocking got fed up with it and just opened the door after a few minutes.

The girl called out to him. He heard her but didn't get up. She got fed up with him and used sorcery to get him out of bed.

His eyes opened wide when he found himself lying on the floor hurting after a fall.

"Johari, don't do that again. It hurts," said Lavi in a hurt voice while pleading.

"Then wake up so I don't have to do that. Bookman asked me to wake you up since he left just awhile ago for some other business related to the clan. I'm really hungry so I'll be leaving you here now since you're awake already. Hurry up, alright."**  
><strong>

"Yeah, I will."

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><p><em>"Eliska, Bookman... He asked me to be his apprentice."<em>

_"Oh, then why don't you go? It can be a good opportunity for you. I can manage just fine like before even with you gone."_

_"Okay, I'd go with him then."_

.

Johari, why are you acting and treating me like as if nothing really happened? You returned like as if those years never separated us.

You told me without hesitation to go with him and now you're here. What's up with you?

What's up with me? What is wrong with me? I shouldn't be bothered with it too much.

I shouldn't be too affected with you returning like that. I had already shut this beating organ since I left.

Why is it here again? Why do you have to be here again?

What was once lost is now back. It shouldn't be yet it is.

It shouldn't. I shouldn't feel this way. Hell, I shouldn't even feel.

* * *

><p>( \  )  
>(^.^) Kylie: Hello there! I hope you like this one. I decided to continue it no matter what happens along with the other fanfics I'm writing.<p>

I hope some will have the time to give a review and tell me what they think about it. Thanks very much if you did.

_*Lavi didn't really know bookman. That year had been the first time he actually met him. He had heard from others who he was and what he does so Lavi had a bit of an idea when he suddenly asked him to be his apprentice._

_He heard that he really is rarely there at the clan and it would mean something is important is he's called here or when he come himself. It'd be rare for Bookman to go there for no reason._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It had really been years since I last saw Johari. She's still the same as before.

Except for the part where she's gotten taller and prettier. I am taller than her now though compared to the time when we were children.

It had been one of our arguments... it didn't last long, naturally. We didn't really let a fight affect us too much.

We were really good friends and now, I'm not really sure. I wonder now what will happen.

* * *

><p><em>She told me to go while saying that she doesn't need my help. The tone of her voice was indifferent unlike the usual tone she usually puts on playfully.<br>_

_The one who talked with me was Eliska and that's it. Johari isn't really here anyway. We only pretended._

_I complied with her request for her and left with Bookman as his apprentice._

_It was a painful parting. She didn't even bother to see me after that._

_She never said any actual words of hate or loathing but saying that I'm not really needed made it painful. _

**I can manage just fine like before even with you gone.**

_Those words really hit the insides of my bones like daggers. _

_I left to forget about the past besides complying with her request._

_I left to try and forget that painful feeling.  
><em>

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><p>Liseli wore her uniform as a finder. She was sent to accompany Kanda and Lavi for a mission.<p>

"How sad, Johari-chan. Your uniform's covering your pretty face," said Lavi in a teasing tone.

Liseli looked away and met the eyes of the samurai that held a cold gaze.

"Don't call me that, Clyde," said Liseli while trying to conceal the quiver in her voice due to embarrassment.

"Fine. But only for now."

* * *

><p>She blushed after meeting the gaze of Kanda. Does she like him? Lenalee did tell me about Kanda saving her during their mission. That must be it...<p>

Why do I sound so bitter inside my head? It's nothing. It should be nothing.

I'll just ask her.

"Johari, do you perhaps like Yuu-chan?"

She blushed red after hearing me say that. It seems I'm correct.

"I-I..."

"You like Yuu-chan."

"Y-yeah, I do. Don't tease."

It felt so weird inside, much worse than before. It's like as if something's tightening around my chest.

It hurt yet why? Why do I have this feeling of not wanting her to feel that way? I shouldn't. I'll just forget about it.

She's still my friend. She's the girl whom I owe my life. I don't want her to hate me by stopping her.

I'll just support her like a good friend even if it hurts.

"I'll tell you some things about Yuu-chan then."

"Really? Thanks, Lavi."

* * *

><p><em>Bookman and his apprenticed stopped walking when an acquaintance of his called onto him. <em>

_"I thought you were going to take her as an apprentice but I guess they were right."_

_"Who?" asked Lavi._

_"The relative of your mentor, he took her here before, I think Johari was her name, was it now?"_

_"Let's go, Alec..."_

_They left._

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><p><em>No wonder she told me to leave. No wonder she ignored me. I ... took the place that was supposedly hers.<em>

_Is she feeling the same as well now? She said it with no care... Her words felt cold, the way she said them..._

_I guess she hates me? I don't really know she didn't bother to tell me but I guess it would only be natural._

_Years passed back then with no contact from her. I trained to become a successful Bookman. _

_I developed the traits needed and one of those was to be neutral, indifferent to what is happening and to just record._

_'A bookman is in no need of a heart.'_

_I lost it. I tried losing all the emotions I had since they are only nothing but hindrances.  
><em>

* * *

><p>I already lost my heart yet why is it appearing again.<p>

It's wrecking.

It's painful.

I can't say though that I'd rather have no heart than be pained with it.

Even if it were just simple moments, I still enjoyed it being with her.

And I'll do my best to enjoy this moment we have now that I'm sure won't really last.

We are in a war after all so I must make the best out of it.

* * *

><p>"Oi Usagi! Stop spacing out," shouted Kanda as he hit the head of a distracted Lavi.<p>

"Sorry about that, Yuu-chan," said Lavi in his usual tone of voice.

The two then walked towards the finders who were waiting for them. Liseli had been busy asking them questions until the two arrived.

"They say based on reports, the place is near that mountain. We have to climb it."

"Let's go then!" said Lavi in a cheerful tone but beneath that, something seemed to be bothering him and Johari noticed it since they have after all had been childhood friends.

She decided to ask him later after the mission.

* * *

><p>( \  )  
>(^.^) Kylie: I hope you like this one although I know it has too much drama in this part... ah but that's the point anyway.<p>

Please tell me your opinions about it and thank you very much if you did.

And thanks to those that liked this. I'm really grateful ^.^ I wonder now how Johari really feels? Her side is never really shown and I don't plan to yet...

Expect though that there'd be more drama in the next chapters. This story has really a lot of drama in it.

*Lavi was already close to being indifferent when he found out. He further closed his heart to forget about the painful feeling.


	5. Chapter 5

_The italicized words in this chapter is Deak's thoughts while..._

_'the__ italicized one inside the quotation marks is Lavi's...'_**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

The way to the mountains is tiring. Lavi accidentally slipped and then sprained his ankle.

"Sit down," said Liseli as she took a roll of bandages from her bag plus other things.

She cleaned the light scratch and then applied medicine to cool the pain. After that she bandaged it.

Lavi stopped her hand and turned it over.

"Where did you get this scar?"

"It's nothing. It was from years ago. I broke a window."

"Eh? How?"

"Let's get going. For now the pain's gone but it will return the next day however so don't put much of a strain to it."

"Yeah, I won't. Let's get going then. Yuu-chan's already pissed off."

* * *

><p>We finally reached a quarter of a distance to the top after hours of walking. It's a good thing that it isn't snowing but it is raining so they took shelter before continuing. Kanda reluctantly agreed.<p>

There was a cave where they all took shelter and rested. Kanda stood at the opening to guard. The finders started a fire to keep everyone warm while Lavi and Liseli went deeper into the mouth of the cave with a small torch that Lavi held. They walked for almost half an hour until they took a break and rested. Lavi placed the torch between two rocks that held it.

Silence filled the place they were in for a few minutes. They had been too far from the opening to hear anything.

"Should we head back?" asked Liseli.

"I told Yuu-chan that we'll be exploring the cave in case the innocence might be here. They won't be looking for us for now."

"What's bothering you, Lavi? I decided to ask after the mission but since we're alone right now… Why are you putting up that forced smile?" asked Johari with concern.

"Nothing's wrong, Johari-chan," said Lavi while smiling to reassure her but it did the opposite thing instead.

'_I can't tell you just like that, you know.'_

"Please tell me, Lavi," said Johari, pleading.

'_I don't really know how to explain it but I guess I can at least tell you about that.'_

_You're such a fool, you know?_

'_Shut up, Deak!'_

"Lavi," asked Johari with a confused look as Lavi had been silent for the past minutes ever since she asked the question. It was as if he suddenly was in his own world unaware of his surroundings.

"When I was travelling with Bookman, I learned that you should have been the one travelling with him. Is that true?"

"I didn't have enough skills to be his apprentice."

"But you wanted to come with him, didn't you?"

"I did but I couldn't."

"Then why'd you let me go like that and take the place you'd wanted?"

"You hadn't taken anything from me. That place had long been vacant. I was actually the one who suggested you to Bookman. You have the skills so why not."

"Hey Johari, do you still consider me a friend?" said Lavi while seemingly trying to change the topic.

"Why wouldn't I? You are the only one I considered a friend back then."

'_Really? I sound so disappointed.'_

_You're just hoping for the impossible, idiot._

'_I told you to just shut your mouth, Deak.'_

"How about now?"

"I still do. Why are you even asking me that?" asked Johari feeling confused.

"Then why'd you let me leave?"

_You know why? Who wouldn't want you out of their sight?_

'_Shut the hell up!'_

"I already said why. You have the capabilities."

"Then..."

"What more do you wish to ask, Lavi? I said my reasons. Do you not believe me?"

"It's not that. I..."

_Idiot, that was a bad move._

'_Shut up! Leave my mind alone!'_

_Not possible since I'm part of it._

"Then what, Lavi? Why do you ask me as if you doubt me? You are my most important friend. Don't you consider me one?" said Johari despite the hesitation and pain she felt.

_A real idiot._

'_I'm not!'_

"Sorry, Johari. I swear, I am not doubting you. I meant nothing wrong by what I say. I consider you my friend and the best one at that," said Lavi as he held her and tried apologizing repeatedly.

_All of this is pointless. It's better if you just had separate ways._

'_Oh, just shut the hell up, Deak. I don't care about what you have to say.'_

"Why'd you even ask such questions?"

"It had been a long time. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Don't just do that again."

"Let's head back then. It had already been an hour and thirty seconds later than what I told Yuu-chan. He must be pissed off right now."

_He sure is. Get ready for hell, idiot._

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

><p>I'm happy that she isn't really angry at me. I'm happy that she still considers me her friend… Yet why do I have this empty feeling. Am I not content hearing that? I guess I was just hoping. She really will only treat me as her friend. I am nothing more than that to her.<p>

_You are, idiot. And hell, you should just end it._

How can I keep you locked up there? You're really annoying.

_You won't be able to lock me up._

I did and I will.

* * *

><p>"What took you so long, baka usagi?" said Kanda with an angry and irritated voice.<p>

"No need to get so heated up, Yuu-chan. The rain has just stopped. Let's get going," said Lavi as he tried avoiding the sword that almost hit him.

"I told you not to call me that, baka usagi!" said Kanda as he ran after Lavi but stopped and focused his attention on the akuma that appeared.

"They're quite a lot!" said Lavi.

"It seems they were heading in that direction," said Liseli as she pointed in to the east direction.

"I'll take them on here. Get to where they're heading," said Kanda as he started fighting the akuma after activating his innocence.

"Okay, Yuu-chan. We'll be heading there then. Johari hold onto here. We'll get there faster this way," said Lavi as he pulled her to his side and then the hammer extended and brought them where the akuma were headed.

There were a lot more akuma here then what Kanda is fighting against at the moment. Lavi started fighting them while Liseli shot some with her magic as she searched for the innocence. The finders from before had already called to headquarters to report their encounter.

"Johari-chan, you okay there?"

"I think I know where it is. I'm going further. Hold them off for me, will you?"

"No problem, Johari-chan," said Lavi as activated another seal which wiped out a lot of akuma. "And look, it seems Yuu-chan's done there and is helping out now."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>( \  )  
>(^.^) Kylie: I hope you like this chapter. Please tell me your opinions about it and thanks if you did.<p>

I have an irregular schedule of updating so I'm not really sure when to expect the next update... I'll try my best to limit it within two to three weeks so that long can be expected for the update on this one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I wasn't really surprised when I saw Lavi again. He is though since he didn't expect me here while I did of him. After the meeting, I met Bookman as expected. He gave me a job in place of letting me off.

Most of the people I have met are really kind to me. The supervisor may have been a bit unusual but he is kind. Lenalee is kind and sweet like a younger sister. She's the only girl I've met at the order so far though.

I settled down in my room with the few things I have and then explored the whole place on my own. It is a very large place but the design really makes it look so gloomy.

I went up and down the stairs looking through every floor with detail. I guess it's force of habit for me to remember things this way.

It still hasn't died out no matter where I went. I wonder now, what will happen as I stay here within the year? That had been the deal after all.

* * *

><p>"How sad, Johari-chan. Your uniform's covering your pretty face," said Lavi in a teasing tone.<p>

What's gotten on with Lavi? He teases a lot these days.

And then he suddenly goes on about Kanda.

_"Johari, do you perhaps like Yuu-chan?"_

I do admire him but I don't like him that way. Lavi didn't need to tease me.

_"I-I..."_

_"You like Yuu-chan."_

_"Y-yeah, I do. Don't tease."_

What a liar I am. I'm not saying anything though since I can't tell the truth. I made a deal with Bookman. I am allowed to stay here and not get back sent to the clan as long as I do on with what he says.

I'm not allowed to be a burden to their work. If ever I did, I'll have to face the consequences and leave earlier than I was allowed to.

* * *

><p>Inside the cave, I didn't expect him to say those words.<p>

I was fine with his question regarding my supposed apprenticeship with bookman but the other really bothered me.

_"Hey Johari, do you still consider me a friend?"_ said Lavi while seemingly trying to change the topic.

I had been really surprised when he asked me that question.

_"How about now?"_

Why is he asking that?

_"Then why'd you let me leave?"_

Why is his voice full of doubt? I already said why. I never really cared about the apprenticeship.

_"Then..."_

I can't tell you. Please stop asking.

"It's not that. I..."

I managed to say something that caused him to stop that question but I regret the way I tried putting the blame on him when the one in reality who is at fault is me.

_"Sorry, Johari. I swear, I am not doubting you. I meant nothing wrong by what I say. I consider you my friend and the best one at that,"_ said Lavi as he held me and tried apologizing repeatedly.

It felt weird. It's getting faster than before.

Why can't things just be said?

* * *

><p>After that, we somehow managed to retrieve the innocence and brought it back to the order. Kanda went the other way for another mission.<p>

I brought down the innocence to Hevlaska as Lavi reported to Komui and then to Bookman.

Upon returning to my room, a finder knocked at my door.

I went out after keeping the book I was reading in the drawer.

"The supervisor is asking for you in his office."

I walked there after closing the door.

"Sir Komui, you asked for me?"

"Yes, take a seat."

I did as said and sat on the couch.

"How was the mission?"

"Had Lavi not reported the details?"

"He did. I'm just asking how are you? How was the mission for you?"

"It was well. Why do you ask, sir?"

"You aren't exhausted yet?"

"A bit."

"I'm sending you off on another mission with my sister."

"Oh. At what time?"

"Early in the morning."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, that's all."

* * *

><p><em>"Wilde?"<em>

_The man gave her a serious look. She had called him by his real name.  
><em>

_"You overslept again, Eliska. What's been keeping you up so late?"_

_"I was just reading," replied the girl lazily.  
><em>

_"Really?" said the man with a doubtful look.  
><em>

_"Yeah."_

_"You missed breakfast. It's almost lunch. Get up and change."_

_"Yes, Dyke. I'll just call..." _

_What am I saying? Clyde is no longer here._

_"I'm getting up already, Dyke. No need to get so impatient."_

_"I'll be in the library."_

_"Yes, Dyke."  
><em>

_I don't know why I almost said that. I guess it's a force of habit._

Lavi_ is no longer here. He already left.  
><em>

* * *

><p>Why did I suddenly remember that? It had been a long time since then. Lavi is here now.<p>

I was the reason he left back then anyways.

Getting up from the bed, I changed clothes then headed to the meeting place. Lenalee is already there waiting for me.

I waved my hand at her and apologized for being late.

"It's fine. The train hasn't left yet. Let's go."

* * *

><p>( \  )  
>(^.^) Kylie: I'm sorry if it had been really a long time for this to be updated. I hope you like the chapter. Thanks for reading.<p>

This is the side of Johari that took a long time to be known. She has a reason for what she did and is doing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_Bookman spoke with Johari about Lavi._

_"You know what's best for him."_

_She didn't want Lavi to leave. He is her friend, the one she is closest to and trusts._

_She can't stop him though. She can't let her selfishness stop her friend from achieving his dreams and accomplishing something he would want to do. She can't let such selfishness take control.  
><em>

_She wasn't really hurt by the fact that he was chosen to be the apprentice instead of her but rather the fact that he was leaving. But Bookman is right so she agreed. He knew that if she told him to go, he would._

* * *

><p><em>Lavi approached her as expected. She tried getting some time by pretending to be busy but she knew she can't go on with this forever. She'll have to listen to his decision. She has to let him go.<em>

_It is better for him to go after all instead of rotting in a place like this with abilities like what he has. It won't do at all.  
><em>

_She gave him her decision. He looked sad by her abrupt answer but he decided to just go with Bookman.  
><em>

_He left, she felt lonely but kept it to herself. She shouldn't be affected by it._

_Wilde noticed though and observed for awhile to see what he should let her do._

_Johari still does fine with work but she slowly neglects herself. She's less cheerful and too serious. She's still just a child and yet so serious about work like that instead of acting her age. Johari is like a daughter or younger sister to him despite denial and he didn't like what's happening to her.  
><em>

_He knew that the elders would scold him badly and punish him for his actions but that didn't matter. He told Johari that she can go. She didn't want to though and said that she would continue with her job as his apprentice._

_"Please don't make me go. This is the only thing I have left."_

_He let her go on with her decision._

* * *

><p><em>A few years passed. Johari is still the same with work, serious and rarely cheerful. She acted mature for her age. Wilde is worried as usual but let her with what she wants.<em>

_One day though, Bookman went to the clan unexpected and gave his scrolls to be placed in the archive. He came back with his apprentice while proving that his decision was right. Lavi was better than expected._

_Johari was happy hearing that he is well and that he is doing really great as an apprentice to Bookman. She caught sight of him inside the clan but he never really saw her._

_She could have approached him but she didn't. There is no need to reminisce and then not see each other again after how many years. It would only be more painful._

_Bookman and Lavi left not even staying for a week as expected. They continued on with their job to record history._

_Wilde heard of Bookman's arrival. He saw that his apprentice did not go see her childhood friend. They left without the two speaking with each other even if just a word._

_"Johari, you knew that he was here. Why didn't you go see your friend?"_

_"Wilde, stop that. You know we can't really call each other friends after not having contact with each other for years. It's not really allowed in the clan to actually even establish relationships."_

_"Johari..."_

_"It's Eliska, Dyke. Stop calling me that," she said while leaving._

* * *

><p><em>Days passed since that day. Johari may be focused on work but she is too focused. She slowly started neglecting sleep and her health. She ate less and slept later than the usual to finish work. She didn't give herself much break.<em>

_"Johari, this has gone too far. I'm not letting you do any work for awhile until you tell what's you really want."_

_"Dyke-"_

_"Rest and think things first."_

_"Fine," she replied reluctantly._

* * *

><p><em>"So would you tell me now, Johari?"<em>

_"Tell you what exactly?"_

_"Something has been bothering. You miss him don't you?"_

_"I-"_

_"Stop denying it. I won't deny you anything. I understand that you were really close friends and that you want to see him again. I was fond of him as well."_

_"It's just... What you say is true. I do miss the times in the past when we were just children. I want to see him again and have fun times like before. I don't like this place anymore as I used to. I feel like a caged bird here. I never once set foot outside upon our return here last time, a few years ago."_

_"Would you like to leave this place?"_

_"Why utter nonsense? You know I can't even if I wanted to. The only way for that to happen is when we are needed to."_

_"There is another way."_

_The girl stared at her mentor in shock._

_"That is just foolish! We'd get into trouble."_

_"You are like a sister or daughter to me, Johari before an apprentice. I don't want you to rot in this place. You aren't really suited here to be locked up. You want to, don't you? I'll let you. I have a way. Don't bother with the consequences. I'll be in charge of that."_

_"But Wilde-"_

_"Just do as I say."  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>He helped her sneak out even when he shouldn't have done that. He was scolded by the elders and was given punishment.<em>

_She left town after town hearing news from other people to try and search for him. She took different names and personas with each place she visited and worked part time with different types of jobs to sustain her expenses. She too met different types of people while avoiding other people from the clan._

_It took a year before she was able to get hold of information as to where they are. She heard that he and Boookman were now at the Black Order. She decided to find a way to get there and by chance she encountered exorcists._

* * *

><p>( \  )  
>(^.^) Kylie : I hope you like this chapter.<p> 


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